Which One Should A Man Prioritise?
Written by Qadeem Zieman
A couple of months ago I wrote a little bit about this in my last post, (to feel, or to think), my rocky relationship with my father…
I was born and raised without him by my side, which is pretty much the reason why we’re not closed, however I never thought I’d write anything about our relationship publicly because I still do believe that some things are better left unsaid and unknown…
But recently I had found out about some things that I just can’t seem to find a way to get my head around.
It’s understandable that when someone reaches a certain age, they do tend to feel lonely and insecure about themselves…
Therefore I believe that it is none of my concern to be worrying about my father’s private life, I don’t mind him getting a mistress on top of already being married to my stepmother, though I am not much of a polygamy fan myself, I do understand that it is their life and therefore it is their own choices are the ones to be made and that may not even concern me or my approval…
But what I do not understand is when he’s got me as a child who is in a desperate need of both financial and emotional support to grow up, while he is out on dates nearly every day, I am struggling to make ends meet and sometimes don’t even have food to feed myself.
About a month ago, we decided to turn off the water meter as there’s a massive leakage of the pipes and ever since then, we’ve been living of the water tank supply and none of us are able to cook or eat anything at home.
A couple of weeks ago I came across a pack of leftover food that my sister in law had left in the fridge for me to eat, and because at that time their kids were down with fever and flu and the food were leftovers from their plates, I had developed a serious food poisoning as well as a high temperature of fever.
I had no medicine or any sort of food to keep my body energised and I reached out to him for help, and knowing that he had withdrew my insurance money without my knowledge as soon as my mother was pronounced dead, asking for a referral card to visit the hospital or clinic was obviously not what I was thinking, I was wondering if he could at least give me a bit of money to order something to eat as I was hungry and was In need of something warm to eat, just a bit of cash to maybe order a bottle of 100 plus and a strip of paracetamol tablets to relieve my pain…
But what he responded with was really not what I expected from a father, he told me that he was too old and sick to provide for me, and that maybe I should get a job to pay for my own food and medical expenses.
I was not expecting him to pay me a visit at the house with food to feed me, I was not expecting anything other that a simple sentence of compassion like “how are you feeling?” Or “ What happened?” Especially after finding out from my cousin that he’s having a mistress and going out on dates with her almost every day…
Which one should a man prioritise, being a father and caring for his only son’s health and well-being as well as providing him with funds to further his studies, or prioritising his own personal pleasures such as getting a second wife to provide him with sexual pleasures while having the first wife provide him with food from the kitchen to the table?
Or should he prioritise posing for the cameras and giving hypocritical speeches at functions and gatherings about helping the people in need while neglecting his own duties as a father to help his youngest child to grow, whilst flaunting and bragging about his lifestyle, wealth and status?
Everything seems to be so unclear to me, as I am supposedly the son that he was waiting his whole life for, and that he was so proud to be able to conceive a child at the age of 46 years old who so happened to be a son, but why am I being neglected and being ignored as if I was never wanted. If I were to compare the way that I’ve been treated versus the way he treats the other kids including a daughter who he adopted, I must say… I am far from being treated as a child, but more like a step child…
