An open letter to my father...

 I'm sorry, but I must go...

It's been too long of this torturous wait.

I never got to be with you, nor would I ever get to be for you... I just know it.

If our union was the first and only time we met, 

I take it as though it is fated for us to be apart.

At least, in this world.

I can't take any more of this. I can't die...

Nor do I want you to suffer.

I know now why you kept your distance from me.

Please go on... and don't look back for as long as the thing is around...

If you should look for me, look for me in your dreams whilst listening to Al-Baqarah... for that's how I always get the answers to my prayers.

If you should want to see me... then, look into the mirror... for we don't look very much apart.

I see the world with your eyes and speak the lyrics with your mouth.

And if you shall ever miss me... go to the mosque and pray for me on the mat.

Pray for my well-being, my safety, and my protection... for every time I miss you, I bear the longingness in my heart until Friday, and I pray for you to appear in my dreams to hold me away from the mad storms.

If I shall never see your face ever again before you go...

Papa, wait for me at the gate...

Where I hope to be greeted by you when it's my turn to go.

Because if I were to give in... that's where I'll wait for you.

Just promise to never come near me for as long as this goes on.

Let everything be empty.

My heart, my soul, our thoughts, and my life...

For I do not dare to risk another suffering, nor do I ever wish to see you in pain.

Please, love me, not any more...

For I still want you to be safe...

Goodbye, we shall part soul for now...

I know I'm going to cry, but what power have I to change what's been done?

I shall stop fantasising to meet you again.

Forgive me... I shall never want more than to pray for you.

- QSZ-D